I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
