Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
