what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
