so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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