Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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