I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
