sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
