Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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