When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
