So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
