Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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