I cockslap morals
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
