I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
