We won't sleep together?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
