Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
its liver damage thursday
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
