new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Can you bring me the toilet please
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
