If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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