What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
