Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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