I just pynch a tree in the face
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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