First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
