I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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