i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just cropdusted the office
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
