btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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