I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
