I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Is Oprah even human
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
