I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
