we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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