Dual....:-)
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
