i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I could make wine with my vomit
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
