I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
