He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
