In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
