I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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