So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
