Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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