She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
