bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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