I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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