I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
