Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
