btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
