Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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