you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
