I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
