last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And then my night got REAL pukey
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
