He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
