i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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