Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
4 words: hood of his car
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
