I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
